I need some whores and a large, murky river STAT!

So I haven't yet found some random couch within a studio where I can sleep, and tell stories, and have people asking "who the fuck is that guy!?! SECURITY!!!!" and what have you. Well, gotta keep hope alive. Stanley Kubrick tells me that when life got him down he just screwed some prostitutes and tossed their bodies into the Hudson...Ahhhh, the 'ol screw and toss. Classic.

Also, some congrats are in order for those of you whom just graduated. So congratulations to Sal, Anri-uru (HAI!!!), Trey, John Cahoon, Miyuki, Mikey ("Master" of my universe) Williams, Mike Nassar, and Ryan Kramer. And if I didn't mention you, well, who am I kidding, I just don't fuckin' like you. Welcome to post-graduate hell my friends; population: you.

Well, I have been drawing a little more recently and created a new character. I'm so excited that I'm as giddy as a school girl (which would explain the rapid increase in masturbation over the past week). I call her Orbit! She's an anti-hero and I'm still fine tuning her back story to include her into one of my sagas. Her creation was funny because I was out driving around and thought to myself that I no longer posses the ability of creativity and that I suck as an artist; and then her image just popped in my head. No inspiration, no nothing. Big thanks to the "Stanley Kubrick for Tal" Foundation, I guess.

I think she needs a little Jenna Elfman

Weapons. Gotta have weapons.

That's a lotta balls!

Strike a pose.

Comic Mode (and yes she's nude under the straps)

ORBIT!!!

Klassic Korner II (with your friendly neighborhood Tal)

Well, first off let me say Merry (late) Free Comic Book Day to everyone. I hope you guys got yours 'cause I sure as hell got mine; 19 free comics to be precise. I traveled to five stores to get 'em. It was the single best thing that has happened to me all week...'Nuff Said.

Oh, and my San Antonio Spurs took the first game against the Suns which took me to another level of nirvana. As it turns out, six of my personalities are huge Spurs fans soooo...Go Spurs Go!

Anyways, Free Comic Day got me in such a good mood that I've decided to devote this special installment of Klassic Korner entirely to "Comics of my Days' Passed". I collected a few comic related sketches that I had stashed from my youth. J-Ridge ain't got nothing on these. He's got his "Hard Eight" (which I had witnessed first hand after visiting House of Heroes). So may I present to you, "Eight the Hard Way" (and sorry Steve, no Moon Knight):

Angel never looked so good

It's like playing MK with robots, only not

I think I drew this a month ago

Electrical Superman rip-off

It appears as though I "onslaughtered" Wolvy

I'm going to name all my kids Logan

Wait, I see a pattern here

One Wolvy=102,439,992 Moon Knights

Depression, Tennis, and Chicken

AHHHHHH!!! Work sucks! I just got my first day off in two weeks. Over this past week alone I think I drew two things. I'm so bummed out that for half an hour I thought of a way to humorously end this little intro of mine, and couldn't think of a thing. Kubrick has taken leave and all other personalities are in a state of stupor so the studio has shut down temporarily. Oh wait, I got it: Why did I cross the road? Because an underdeveloped adolescent child was standing on the other side. Hahahahaha...wait, that's not funny; that's just terrible. Damn it.

Well, this probably is the least I've ever written, so most of you are probably overflowing with joy. Yeah, screw you guys. Anyways, parallel to my current mood, here are those "two sketches" I got done this week.

Roger Federer, eat your heart out


Would you like some chicken with that chicken?

Pink is the new black

God it's been a while. I had to get a job at a grocery store just to make a little extra cash, so I haven't had the time to update my posts. Stanley Kubrick pointed out that the blog had become stale and cliche, losing all relevant wit. So I did what any hetero-male artist would do; I went back to pink. The good thing about multiple personalities is all the feedback you receive. It's like your own personal animation studio. Unfortunately we're all forced to share one bathroom (personalities 3 and 6 leave shaven pubes in the sink).

Also, let me say Merry Passover everyone. Tal's fun fact #89: The Jewish custom of Passover originated in Ancient Israel, resulting from the epic fight between Jesus and Moses in the low desert valley of the Dead Sea. Long story short, Jesus gets his ass handed or "passed over" to him. That's why Easter is celebrated just after Passover; Jesus finally wakes from the beat down. Tal's fun fact #90: Hence, "The Dead Sea".

Aaaand on that note, let's see some art. I drew many a Jenna Elfman and most of them pretty much sucked. Here's the best one...



But as you may recall, Jenna wasn't the prime objective. I was trying to find reference for that girl that I dreamt about. Although she really doesn't resemble Jenna a whole lot, I've chosen certain attributes to add to her persona. I call her Julia/ Julie (in ascending order as usual).

Kisses!


Does the carpet match the curtains?


Getting more refined...

My fav

"Stan" says hi

Ok, so some of you may or may not know that the soul of Stanley Kubrick just so happens to be my 13th pesonality; it's basically all the weirdness and chess, minus the visionary talent. Hence the recent changes made to the blog. "I'm looking for substance", he said. Appearently crude pedophilia jokes and a pink template weren't substance enough for him. Hope you guys like it. The title is actually the begining to a Pink Floyd song whom Stan also enjoyed quite considerably. 20 Million points to the person who knows the title of that song.

Well if you've made it this far you might as well keep going. Jenny Lerew responded to my proposal and it looks like the wedding's off. I believe it had been the stalking and the constant [heavy breathing] telephone calls that may have turned her off in the end. Go figure. Anyways, I linked up her sketch site, so check it out.

Oh, and I've gotten some sketches down from that whole creepy "dream girl and Jenna Elfman" phase (which is still underway as I speak). I'll have those posted up next, I promise. But for now, a couple more oddities...



...just siiiiiiiingin' in the rain.

Random Oddities

Wow, my Jenna Elfman sketches are comin' along quite shitty...I suck. As such, I will continue doing Jenna until she tells me to stop (that's right, you read it correctly).

Also, I watched TMNT on Sunday and would recommend it to any avid "Turtles" fan. Definitely nowhere near perfect (just read the reviews online), but it was rather entertaining and it beats watching anything that's come out within the last few months. Finally, an American animated movie with some goddamn violence. Oh and April is hot I would totally do her, 3D model or otherwise.

And last but not least, congrats to Matt Long for being the first person to delete one of my comments. I'm actually surprised that it took that long (no pun intended).

Anyways, time for some oddities...

King of the Hill and two many "Jens" to count

Ahhh, it's been a while. First off, let me say awesome gallery opening Mathyuki!! Just like my cupcake dreams minus the trannies...you can't win em' all.

Soooooo I dreamt of another girl. She doesn't really look like anyone but the other day I actually sat down and watched "Keeping the Faith" (don't ask) and Jenna Elfman's character really seemed to accurately reflect the girl. So now I'm fixated on drawing this girl all the while somehow incorporating Jenna Elfman into her design. It's just finding a balance between masturbating to her photos and actually using them for reference that's become the one true challenge. I woudn't really say she's the new Bettie, but rather the old Dana; He was drunk, I was not, and one thing led to another...

I love you Dharma...or is she Greg?


Anywho, some of you guys kept asking me about King of the Hill, so I decided to post some of the pages I drew out from the models they sent. I managed to pile up quite a bit of them but here are just a few; I would have posted the actual boards, but such filth would cause "Animation" to turn into a step-father of mine, who would then proceed to beat and rape me.






Oh, and I asked Jen Lerew [Moscovici] (of the Blackwing Diaries) to marry me and she didn't respond so I will now go ahead and announce that we are engaged!!!

The reason you've lived your life is NOW!

So those bastards at Canon finally sent my new scanner. Yessssss, thank you lord Jesus!! Finally, you may all get to enjoy Bettie Page as much as I do (sorry Katzenjammer, no "Pedophile Korner" just yet). So tell your friends, squeeze one on your lunch break, and check these out.

For those of you who may not be keen to the origin of my Bettie fetish, I had just got off my "Manos" obsession when I had an amazing dream. I dreamt that I met a beautiful girl that looked somewhat like Bettie, only with shorter hair. I told myself that this was not my ordinary "Trannies and Cupcakes" line of dreaming, no, this one was special mind you. So I began drawing her (Bettie, not my dream girl), first without reference and then using all references available to me on the 'net.

Up to this point I probably have about 20 front/back pages of just Bettie (with the majority created during the Spring '06 Semester through the summer). These pics include the most noteworthy sketches:

First off, some of my first Bettie's without stylistic reference...



Now for some of my favorite. They're in ascending order to keep it interesting.



Total Glines rip-off...





Sassy...





and finally...I love the candid feel of this one. Bettie Page is rarely seen outside of the camera's eye.

Klassic Korner I

Wow...so like yeah, my personalities 5 and 11 are such downers. Boooo hooo, nobody likes my drawings; my scanner doesn't work; my favorite pair of fishnet stalkings ripped. Cry me a fuckin' river, guys. Justin Ridge doesn't cry when his pantyhose accessories malfunction? No, he mans up and buys a new pair god damn it!

Anyways, with my new scanner on its way from the factory, I figured this would be a great time to introduce my first installment of "Klassic Korner". I think old (and perhaps shitty drawings) are awesome and I get tired of seeing the same great artwork throughout the 'net (damn that panty wearing J-Ridge). Let us open our hearts and close our eyes, to the most god-awful and perhaps awe striking conceptions of our days passed. So join me , won't you, as I embark on a journey to find the worst sketchbook page, EVER (and some other cool shit along the way)!

Today's topic: Foot Fetishists and my 15th personality who absolutely isn't one.

Foxxxyyyyyyy...


mmmm...feet.

When in doubt, ROTOSCOPE!

As some of you know, life's cruelty and unrelenting humor wouldn't allow myself access to anything that may be considered "good" or "practical"; I'm God's ginger kid stepchild. So of course all this chaotic randomness within my universe would lead me to a job as a high school assistant tennis coach...it just makes sense.

Well, some of the perks that came with the job included t-shirt designs. The first one I did (if some of you remember) was well liked by the guys on the team. It was simple, it was bold, and yes, it was a photograph traced over in Photoshop. Although not my proudest achievement (rotoscoping minus the animation), it did suit the team well.

For the girls I decided to spread the wings of ingenuity, to go out on that ledge and laugh at death's cold hearted threat. If I have learned anything in this life it's that when you try to do something different, you are inherently rejected by all. You're labeled an "independent" or a nuisance to the industry and tossed to the side like an overused condom.

But as usual, I'm venturing off topic. Personally, I like the design...I wear it on a regular basis. Ironically, the guys on the team liked it better than the girls.

Pencil


1st version


Final version (limited color palette due to cost)


So is it too bold for a t-shirt? Perhaps. But the mass public and top executives don't want to see another Iron Giant, they want A Scanner Darkly or the same animated movie over and over and over and over...Full proof that when in doubt, rotoscope it.