Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Dreams and Urine are excellent sources of Vitamin B12

Oh God it's been a while, what with the unemployment and harvesting my own urine for future consumption as the result of financial uncertainty and what not. Acually I just ordered a new scanner from Amazon but the damn thing hasn't arrived yet. I did finally manage to scan some things the other day so I'm going to post as quick-like as I can to make up for that lost time. And for the record, yes, chilled urine tastes just as good as it does warm.

Well as most of you know my inspiration comes various chronological obsessions, whether they be a D-Movie containing a sex scene involving popcorn or pin up models from the 50s. I had a dream ladies and gentlemen, and if you would be so kind, allow me to impart:

The dream began with a vigalante named Fork walking alongside a cliff in the pale moonlight. Only a blood stained fork rested in his right palm. A minivan approached and as it came to a halt a smelly, ghoul of a man stepped out. He advanced towards Fork and asked him to near the back of the van for a "delightful proposition". As Fork did so, the mystery man flung the back doors of the van wide open. Fork grimaced at what lay inside. Sitting within the van were seven, oubviously underaged and half nude kids, all sitting with their heads down and their hands in their laps.
The word "choose" echoed in Fork's mind like a broken record. The man took his newly found client to the side to discuss business when all of a sudden his legs gave out from under him. He looked up just in time to see a silver fork come jamming into his right eye before his vision was forcefully taken away.


Stumbling around in sheer agony the man felt Fork tug at his collar. With a final push the man went flying over the edge of the cliff and into the dark water below...Then the setting changed and Fork finds himself within a government lab. He was there to set free his ally, the entity known as Ultra Violet. As Fork crept into his friends' holding cell, the wall burst open and through emerged the mystery man from the cliffs alongside a giant of a man. Reacting quickly, Fork threw his utinsil of choice at the man and hit the giant square in the face instead. The man lunged at Fork when he realized he had stopped in mid air. Ultra Violet had emerged out of his shackles and using his mental powers, threw the perverted nemesis through 2 walls within the structure.



That's when the dream had abruptly ended. Some dream, huh? It's like a nightly matinee within the comfort of your own mind. I can see the DVD release now. Alternate ending: Fork begins to laugh histerically when he sees the kids in the van, because as we all know, nothing is funnier than child abuse!

What?...Oh yeah, and the soul of Kubrick says that sitting nude in front of the mirror for hours at a time can increase creative flow...Who am I to argue with the greatest visionary genius of our time?

30 comments:

John said...

First things first...you need to make that dream a movie a.s.a.p. before Michael Bay does (I don't know).

Second,
You have an odd resemblance to Blanca from Street Fighter in the image of you in front of the mirror (scary thing is I have a feeling your not joking).

Tal Moscovici said...

Actually, since Kubrick was technically a co-creator, he's basically got exclusive rights to all my dreams.

And you know what? Like Blanca I also emit electrical currents at my foes and continously bite their heads! Now to dye my chest hair orange...

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